Monday, March 20, 2006

Movin' on...

Because of my fame and rabid readership, I have been advised to move my Blog to another site. Not so much to protect me, as to protect you from the Man, whom I have no trouble contacting to issue arrest warrants, should I receive ANY more panties in the mail, Misses Letorneau and Lafave. Frackin' French Canadians!

On my new site you will find the same hilarity and laughs. I can make no committments to updating, because though I berate my parents regularly for refusing to transcribe my mania and genius onto the Web, they are very laxidasical about it. Their insolence shall be repaid.

I know you all suffer for more Waakabee. And so you shall have it. Visit www.stripedpajamas.blogspot.com for proof that I am your intellectual superior, despite being wee.





That is all...

Friday, March 10, 2006

I'm not dead...

I have had several small illnesses over the last two months. They seem to orignate from my schoolmates. I don't know what these monkeys are doing when they aren't in school. Probably trapsing around garbage dumps, trailer parks, crack houses, who knows.

All I know is that I must be getting stronger with each passing illness. Soon I will be invincible to biological weapons of mass destruction. Meaning that when Al Qaeda hits us with some sarin gas, I'll be the one left standing, ready to kick ass.

That is all...

Thursday, March 09, 2006

We're moving!

Now that I grabbed your attention, I wanted to let you know that walkerb.blogspot.com is being replaced by stripedpajamas.blogspot.com.

StripedPajamas will have all the same tasty content as WalkerB, but without the trans fatty acids and unique identifiers.

That's right, while drooling over Christmas break and pondering the greatness of JC's gift to the world I thought, "Surely my own followers deserve some token gift from me. But what could I, young Walker, give them?" Then it hit me that I will create a more generic site that protects the names and identities of the innocent. Namely, me.

Since I am a well-loved baby boy and dare I say national treasure, it is imperative that I take measures to protect myself from weirdos and potential usurpers, lest their insane-o antics deprive the world of just what it needs most, me.

So enjoy stripedpajamas.blogspot.com. My pajamas, shared with all of you, will be warm, fuzzy, as well as stylish. Just like me.

That is all...

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Reading is fundamental, fools.


"I'm through with this book, peasant. NEXT!"

Here I have recently finished a book which is helping to hone my skills in character and symbol interpretation. I like to call this amazing ability "Reading". Soon, my mastery of the written word will be complete, and I will be able to decipher the technical and operational specifications of many of your more sophisticated weapon systems and electronic devices, placing myself in the position to most easily subdue and rule you all.

Until then, pass me the next edition of Curious George. That whimsical primate is always causing a ruckus! Posted by Picasa

Sunday, February 05, 2006

My physical prowess is increasing...


I am sooooooo advanced mentally and physically, that it makes you all look like paramecium compared to me. Perfect example: Now I can sit up. That's right. No longer satisfied to be Mr. Layonmyback all day and giggle, I have focused my energy and powers on developing what I like to call "Balance." This means I can right myself, or go hands free and sit up as shown above.

Sitting is good, because now I can practice how I will pose on my throne. Walker's world indeed. Better practice your bowing, monkeys. Posted by Picasa

Thursday, January 26, 2006

My butt got kicked out of school...

...for pooping to much. I'm serious!

That's right, I've had the trots for the past two days and the people at DayCare said I'm not allowed to attend.

Afraid of a little poo, are we ladies? Or afraid that somehow the other carrier monkeys will be affected by my butt bug? Most likely, if it is a bug, I got it from the other kids anyway! So not that it would matter, me being there.

But I understand, they have to follow protocol. Funny though, the slutty teacher at the school, who most certainly has a couple of love bugs in her nethers , is allowed to roam free, while the Waakabee, with his butt bug contained by disposable diapers, is not. I see how it works.

Not that I have a bug, mind you. The nurses attribute it to teething, as do mom and dad. Plus I was recently introduced to bananas, and while tasty, I think they may be nature's laxative.

So I've been stuck hanging out with my parents for the last three days (they've been skipping work) and eating the B.R.A.T. diet. That is, Bananas (mightn't they have started this mess?), Rice (mmm), Applesauce, and T. Actually I don't know what the T stands for, but I hope it's Tobacco. I am sooper anxious to get some Redman and get that nice "I drool brown goo, cause it's cool" look.

So feel free to send "Get Well" cards, money, and tobacco to mi casa. Not that I'm actually sick, mind you, but I find that the image of an ill child is a powerful motivator and incites people to give give give.

"For only $1 a day, you can help support a Waakabee and give him the life he deserves"

That is all...

Saturday, January 21, 2006

Rampant consumerism visited, embraced


Every family has a duty and obligation to help make this a great nation. You see, Freedom isn't Free, as my uber-patriotic blue state neighbors/future minions often say [... and wear on their shirts...and stick on their cars...and tattoo on their flabby bodies.] So Mom and Dad chose this day to pay their dues and help keep America free. Their method of choice? Wanton spending on useless items at one of the area's largest retail outlets. We went Freedom Shopping.

Being that I am barely capable of grabbing my own nose voluntarily, I did little of the Freedom Shopping. I really spent the whole day being pushed around in my stroller like an emperor being carried around on a litter. Similarly, I scornfully averted my eyes whenever the denizons of the merry Land of Owtlettes strolled past, and if one ever tried to make eye contact, I ordered them to be beaten. As a side note, apparently my idiot father does not speak Waakabese, because every time I yelled, "beat him! BEAT HIM NOW!" he would smile back, tickle me, and then resume his meaningless existence.

So the entire day was spent riding in my stroller, wandering back and forth across the Freedom Outlets in search of deals and bargains. When one was procured, it would be bagged and added to the pile of Freedom Purchases we had already made. We found very few and each time we did, each other's advise was summarily ignored. For istance, I would say, "Dad, you look like an idiot in that shirt. Don't buy it." And yet he did. Or dad would say, "silk garters are 50% off!" and mom would roll her eyes and then move on. Or mom would say, "we really could use a new rug," and Dad would be over in the next aisle, playing with the brass bull and bear bookends, making them fight each other and making growling noises.

At the end of the arduous day, we left several hundred dollars and three dirty diapers at the Freedom Outlets. With our Freedom Purchases in the back, we happened to pass some sort of body guard detail at the "Off Saks" shop. Mom was inquisitive about who would be at the Freedom Outlets at the same time as us, but unless it was President Bush announcing the reopening of MRB, I couldn't care less and I let them know as much.

We scooted back down to the city and stopped by Best Buy for dad to return Uncle Colin's iPod, which apparently was behaving like Apple stock and could not hold its power. The first BB was a dud, so we moved on to the second. Here dad found plenty of people willing to help him, but was stuck in line for OVER ONE HOUR while mom and I wasted away in the car. By the time he came out, we were nearly one of those families where the daddy is only allowed to see me on weekends while being supervised. Oh, and the car, which had been left in "accessory" mode for mom to listen to the radio, died. So dad had to get the car jumped just for us to go home! Who is the big winner? DAD's the big winner! Way to go pops.

Needless to say, I'm tired. Even an Emperor gets tired when he's been carried and driven around all day. And you know what? Tomorrow, we will do what I want to do. Which may or may not include playing with my toes. I haven't yet decided. I'm crazy like that. But no matter what I choose, there is no more mommy and daddy time! It will be WALKER'S day!
That is all...

Wednesday, January 18, 2006


I am contemplating the goo in my belly. Posted by Picasa


Squash tastes like crap! Posted by Picasa

Monday, January 16, 2006

Cast and Crew Spotlight

On to the cutest pup in the household... (sorry, Annie!)



Charlie
Nicknames: Charlie Chompers, Charley Barley, Charles

Hello, my name is Charlie, and I have taken over Walker's blog to write about myself. I am the best dog ever. Come over and see me, and I'll be your best friend. I love bones, so bring one when you come, and we can play a game of "you can't have my bone".

Please don't believe anything good they say about Annie. She's a big doofus. And she is mean, mean, mean. She steals my bones, she nudges me out of the way when the humans pay attention to me. Bascially she cock blocks me even though she doesn't have one.

Ralphie's okay. Although he refuses to play with me even when I make overtures to him. I think it's because he doesn't like rawhide bones.

I especially like the orange and white hamster that we have. She puffs up like a little fluffy white thundercloud everytime I come around. It's very gratifying to see the beauty of nature unfold before your eyes.

I can't wait to be best friends with Walker, who has already promised that we will be BFF.