Snow is cold, yo.

I said BRRRRRR... It's cold in here! There must be some Walkers in the atmosphere!

That's right, there is. It's me on a plane. Again. Flying to the land of chowdah-heads. We took ANOTHER trip to NH this last week. Dad had some reunion to go to for high school (Go Sabers) and plus it was turkey day. Some excuse. I think they just really like watching people squirm in the airplane when I cry because someone I know [ahem] isn't fast enough with the ol' complimentary beverage service. I mean, these people have nowhere to hide. We're in a confined space. If I'm unhappy, I spread the word. I am Walker. Hear me roar.

I think I must be the most traveled 3.75 month-old out there*. It was worth it, though, because I was able to get some idea of why my parents chose to rear me in Georgia. It's called winter. Let me sum it up to you in a few words. If I had juevos, they would have shriveled up and hid inside of me. Luckily for me, they're already there. My Uncle Colin had a football game to play on Thanksgiving Day, and it snowed the whole time. He lost all his fingers, three toes, and half of an earlobe to frostbite. It was that bad.

We took some pictures of us in the snow. Note the look of pure joy on my face.

Being in Yankee-land basically means you walk around shivering all the time. It's a wonder they're not all skinnier from the constant muscle movement. You can barely do anything when it's that cold. You pretty much have to stay inside and huddle around the heater vents all day. It's no wonder there are so many kids born in the summer up there - with such cold all people do is spend their time humping to keep warm. Compound that by the large Catholic presence, and you get an idea of what's going on. Freakin' Cold + Catholicism / (Irish + French Candian) = Lotta Humpin'

Dad said he had a good time at the reunion. He said it was basically a bunch of people he barely remembers asking him how much he liked living in Georgia and congrats on being a new dad. Uncle Chip said they kept asking him how much he liked living in Georgia and congrats on being a new dad, too. Hey morons! Uncle Chip doesn't look anything like Dad. You think these "classmates" of theirs could keep the two sorted out in their drunky Yankee minds. Yeah, I'm talking to you, Brad Owens.

So all in all, the trip was nice. The food was good. The company was better. I saw all of my various cousins again, and my two uncles on that side. Dad says I'll like Uncle Cole and Aunt Rachel on the other side better since they're more my speed, but I have yet to meet these people.

It was a bummer to say goodbye, and there were many invitations to come back any time. Yeah right! Not unless you people figure out 1. how to heat the whole region- I'm thinking massive burning of birkenstocks, Annie DeFranco CD's, and Boston Red Sox Champs 2004 shirts (let it go); and 2. that a little makeup goes a long way. Damn you ugly.

This whole extended family thing wears me out. Gimme my amoxcicylin and some warm milk. I'm going to bed.

That is all...

*This statement of course excludes babies floating in rafts made out of old legos, banana peels, and duct tape with their parents, whom are seeking political asylum in el norte. Those bambinos had to basically swim their butts here.
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Attention Loyal Fans

Hey there loyal fans!

Some of you may be saying, wtf, where's the latest Walker news? Some of you may be saying, pass me the butter Margaret, you saucy minx.

To the first group, let me just say, don't fret! I will be posting soon. I have had a lot happening these last few weeks...

For the second group...ew GROSS.

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Brrrrr...

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Baby Gabe

Welcome to the world my cousin, Gabriel. We'll call him Gabe. Or Gaberdoody. Whichever one sticks best.



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New chapter in my life

Today I was abandoned.

Abandoned to the hell that is daycare. I tell you people it's like the Lord of the Flies meets Sesame Street. There are kids screaming, crying, running around like insane-o's...It's mass hysteria.

I have resolved myself to make this new situation pay off for me. I now realize this is my ticket to becoming a one-man world power. Move over Kim Jong Il. Walker B is training for the future.

Here's how it went down...
Mom and dad woke me up early to play with me, feed me, and basically give me an awesome morning. Then I get put into my seat, but I don't go into mom's car. I go into DAD's. Ok, that's kind of different, but no big whoop. (Aside - let me tell you that I like mom's car better, cause it doesn't smell as bad and I have an awesome mirror by which I can look at her or oncoming traffic. Plus dad listens to NPR, and that liberal shit made my head hurt). Anywho, Dad and I had a great ride. Then we stop at a new place - not unusual since my parents like to get out and about quite a bit. But we step into this building, this new world, this maelstrom of whirling dervish children and I know some shit is going down. That mofo has tricked me! He takes me into a room where there are little kids all over the place crawling around, eating mush with what looks like their whole face, swinging in swings and some are (*) inexplicably sleeping! WTF?! Dad puts me into the arms of a woman (who did smell nice, I must say) and says some stuff to her, kisses my head, and he's gone!

For a while I thought, "surely he's merely gone to his truck to get something," but he didn't come back. SO here I am, in the arms of strangers, dealing with being abandoned.

By lunch I had the lay of the land figured out and realized that my situation was dire. I must turn this to my advantage. During the morning, I had laid the foundation for my rise to power. I duped the ladies into thinking that I was the cutest baby there. I must admit they were nice, but those other chumps and chumpettes had better step back. I will not abide competing for attention, nor for the moniker "cutest baby". Besides, those squirming drool monkeys have no idea what plans I have laid for them.

Dad came by for lunch, but I was so wiped out from having to deal with the enormity of the situation that I just kinda sat there in his arms and stared at the hellions around me. Mom came later, and whew, was I glad to see her. Finally, someone to rescue me. I tried to tell her what dad had done, but turns out she was complicit! I will avenge this insult, be sure.

So now, knowing ahead of time that this will be our routine for the next few years, it is time to lay down plans for total domination. I think that I can mold these young brats into a suitable force to help me hatch my brilliant plans. The ladies who watch our cellblock must be taken into account, and not dismissed, no matter how sweet they are. They have the advantage in size and mobility, but our cuteness and cleverness cannot be matched.

Soon, all will know the true meaning of the phrase, "It's Walker's world, bitch. Recognize."

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