New chapter in my life

Today I was abandoned.

Abandoned to the hell that is daycare. I tell you people it's like the Lord of the Flies meets Sesame Street. There are kids screaming, crying, running around like insane-o's...It's mass hysteria.

I have resolved myself to make this new situation pay off for me. I now realize this is my ticket to becoming a one-man world power. Move over Kim Jong Il. Walker B is training for the future.

Here's how it went down...
Mom and dad woke me up early to play with me, feed me, and basically give me an awesome morning. Then I get put into my seat, but I don't go into mom's car. I go into DAD's. Ok, that's kind of different, but no big whoop. (Aside - let me tell you that I like mom's car better, cause it doesn't smell as bad and I have an awesome mirror by which I can look at her or oncoming traffic. Plus dad listens to NPR, and that liberal shit made my head hurt). Anywho, Dad and I had a great ride. Then we stop at a new place - not unusual since my parents like to get out and about quite a bit. But we step into this building, this new world, this maelstrom of whirling dervish children and I know some shit is going down. That mofo has tricked me! He takes me into a room where there are little kids all over the place crawling around, eating mush with what looks like their whole face, swinging in swings and some are (*) inexplicably sleeping! WTF?! Dad puts me into the arms of a woman (who did smell nice, I must say) and says some stuff to her, kisses my head, and he's gone!

For a while I thought, "surely he's merely gone to his truck to get something," but he didn't come back. SO here I am, in the arms of strangers, dealing with being abandoned.

By lunch I had the lay of the land figured out and realized that my situation was dire. I must turn this to my advantage. During the morning, I had laid the foundation for my rise to power. I duped the ladies into thinking that I was the cutest baby there. I must admit they were nice, but those other chumps and chumpettes had better step back. I will not abide competing for attention, nor for the moniker "cutest baby". Besides, those squirming drool monkeys have no idea what plans I have laid for them.

Dad came by for lunch, but I was so wiped out from having to deal with the enormity of the situation that I just kinda sat there in his arms and stared at the hellions around me. Mom came later, and whew, was I glad to see her. Finally, someone to rescue me. I tried to tell her what dad had done, but turns out she was complicit! I will avenge this insult, be sure.

So now, knowing ahead of time that this will be our routine for the next few years, it is time to lay down plans for total domination. I think that I can mold these young brats into a suitable force to help me hatch my brilliant plans. The ladies who watch our cellblock must be taken into account, and not dismissed, no matter how sweet they are. They have the advantage in size and mobility, but our cuteness and cleverness cannot be matched.

Soon, all will know the true meaning of the phrase, "It's Walker's world, bitch. Recognize."

That is all...