Today I...

....went to Macon. It's really hot there. I mean, it's only 90 minutes south of Atlanta, but it might as well be 90 minutes south of hell because it's that damn hot.

Anyway, the purpose of my visit was to meet my Great Grandma Ruby - that's her there with the white hair. She sang me songs and let me sleep on her - it was rather nice. I also got to hang out with my Grandma and Big Pop. Big Pop is really big, but he was very gentle when he fed me today. I'll have to remeber to tell Gia next time I see her that he's not so scary.

I'm tired now, so that is all...

Tonight I...

Was left to fend for myself at Aunt Shannon and Uncle Robby's house, with that maniac Gia. Mom and Dad decided they wanted a date night, and mom hooked dad up with a sweet deal - Aunt Shannon watches me while they go to dinner and a movie.

Has anyone considered the point that I may want to go see Dukes of Hazard? Hello!

So I spent some quality time with my relatives. Gia was nice to me again. She may be catching on to the fact that I can't play with her yet. Sometimes I would catch her giving me the stink eye, though. Like she's planning something. It's a little disconcerting - I feel like she's laying plans for how she's going to treat me over the next 18 years of our lives (after 18, I'll be free to go join the military and score tons of foreign hotties while I travel the world kicking ass for the U.S. of A.). To that point, let me just say one thing. Bring it on Gia. Bring it.

Anyway, hanging out with Aunt Shannon and Uncle Robby was cool. They're nice people. They should get some animals, though. I missed having a cat to come swish his tail in my face and steal my Mylicon and having dogs to lick me and steal my pacifiers, bottles, blankets, etc.

Speaking of...

Mom and Dad came home to a suprise last night. The pups found the secret stash of my dirty diapers and tore about a dozen of them to shreds. I heard Dad cussing and vacuuming for a long time into the night. I consider it payback for leaving me alone. I WANTED TO SEE JESSICA SIMPSON'S HOTNESS, TOO, DAD.

Oh, and if the pups start puking, it serves them right. Steal my pacifier, will you Charlie? How'd my poo taste? I hope you LOVED IT.

That is all...

Today I...

Spent my 21st day on God's green earth (it's actually mostly blue). I'm 21. You hear that? I deserve a boobeer. Go drink some Coors, and then come see me, mom.

That is all...

Tonight I....

...had my first real bath.

Now that my crazy belly button thing has fallen off, mom and dad feel it is okay to submerge me in water. I must say it is quite delightful, but they really don't do it enough. I hear mom tell dad, tonight is bath night, but then it never happens. You would think with four degrees between you, you two could get your shit together. That is all...

Today I...

...peed on dad for like the 100th time. You'd think this dude would learn.

TAKE IT!

That is all...

Tonight I...

...projectile vomitted on dad. Twice.

He sooooooo deserved it.

That is all...

Tonight I...

Got to meet many of mom and dad's friends at La Paz. I met Uncle Scott for the first time. He gave me many Georgia Tech gifts. My parents really want me to love GT, and go there I think. Of course, they are a little biased. I don't know how I could grow up thinking about any school but GT, cause there is junk all over my house with the logo...license plates, flags, shirts, sweatshirts, hats, pictures, diplomas, banks, toys, stuffed animals, cups...I mean, how much Georgia Tech stuff does one household need, folks? There's a word for it. Overkill.

I think I may learn to root for Georgia, just tick off everyone. I mean, I like overalls and mullets just as much as anyone else. Go Dawgs.

I also met Uncle Jason. He works for Coke and did far better than dad ever did there. Dad should take some notes. Anyway, Uncle Jason lives in Washington D.C. with pretty Aunt Katie. She likes modern furniture. You know who else likes modern furniture? Weirdos and Swedes. That's who.

Speaking of Uncle Jasons and Aunt Kat(i)es, Uncle Toro just asked his girlfriend to be my Aunt Kate. She couldn't say no. I'm too damn cute. I bet she looked at him when he asked, and said to herself...do I want to be Walker's Aunt? Who wouldn't? And if that means marrying this hairy Italian beast, the so be it!

Dad said that if they have kids, they will likely be tall, hairy, and beautiful. And if they have a girl, I have to promise to defend her honor. I agreed, unless she's hot. At that point all bets are off.

That is all...

Today I...

...had my pacifier stolen by Charlie. You ass.

That is all...

Today I...

Went to lunch with mom and dad to La Parilla, dad's favorite Mexican restaurant. Mom doesn't like it so much, and used a word to describe it that I must learn. I've heard her yell that same word before when she needs to change my nappy.

I tried some chips and salsa. Or rather I tried some vicariously, as filtered through mom's lactation system. I [heart] chips and salsa.

I also met a nice little boy...oops, no...that's a girl. With a mullet. Still, she's cute. Our conversation went something like this:

Hey honey, want to come over later? I'll show you my newly formed belly button, and you bring that Kentucky waterfall of yours!

Drop dead!

The only thing that will be dropping around here, kid, is this diaper. Cause I just peed myself.

That is all...

Today I...

...lost my umbilical cord. Here's a picture of it hanging out, chillin' on my night stand.

He wants to go out for drinks later, and pick up the ladies. I'm up for it, though Umbilical Cord says I have to be his designated driver. He says taking a little tyke like me along serves as a chick magnet. Whatever. I think he doesn't feel threatened by me, cause I have a set of boobs waiting for me at home.

That is all...

Today I...

..watched dad leave for work. What the poop is this about? I'm awake, ready for some loving, caring, attention and you just up and leave? Mom had a stressful night and all you do is kiss her on the forehead and waltz out the door? Where did you learn to parent from? Cartoons?

I hope you know I'm absorbing EVERYTHING, and if I have a large couples therapy bill when I get older because I learned to be a "caring" partner from the likes of you, well... I'm gonna be peeved.

Oh, and speaking of learning and mimicking everything you do (which apparently I'll be doing regardless of willpower), looks like I'll be spending quite a lot of time when I get older checking myself out in the mirror after a shower. Narcissist.

That is all...

Today I...

...met my cousin Gia for the first time. She was very nice to me, and offered me some of her toys. She kept saying "play!" "play!", and then seemed to get upset when I wouldn't play with them.

I don't know if anyone clued you in, but I'm only 11 freakin' days old, kid. I can't even hold my own head up, so what makes you think I can operate your high-tech colored wax writing tool? And by the way, the way you cough and wipe your nose makes me really worried I'm going to contract some nasty disease from you. I HAVE NO IMMUNE SYSTEM! A little help here, folks, I'm a freakin' newborn.

Sorry, I'm just grumpy, because I need some boob. Yo, mom! Get over here!

That is all...

I just....

dumped in my pants! Yaaaaaayy!!

That is all...

Today I...

Took a car ride to the mall. Once there, I had my first ride in my stroller. It's awesome. It's got rear-wheel drive, front-wheel casters (turns on a dime), and a 1-parentpower engine. Sometimes both mom and dad want to drive, and they give each other mean looks. Boy, I hope I don't learn to be too competitive.

Beep beep!! Out of the way, b!+#&es!!

Oh, and dad noticed that people sure do stare a lot at me. I don't care. I know I'm hot. Wish dad would clue in.

That is all...

Today I...

...took a giant poop. I kept my parents up most of the night. Mom from 12 - 3 and Dad from 3 - 6. I'm a real stinker. That is all.....

Today my...

Great Grandma, Gloria Mae Dyson, was laid to rest. I would have liked to meet her.

Here is a pic of my Grandpa, Great Uncle, and Great Grandpa after the ceremony.

That is all...

Today I...

...had my first bath. In a sink. Nice, mom, like white trash. I guess we do live near Bankhead Highway. Holla! That is all...

Today I...

...was born. Put me back. Please. So traumatic. So tired. That is all...