Hands

Today I grabbed at one of my toys for the first time. Mom thought this was some spectucular feat; she called Dad right away and told him all about it. I was just merely mesmerized by the many colors of "Jazzy" the firefly, so I grabbed on to one of his little legs and held on for quite some time. I think Mom really wants me to do it again because she keeps sticking Jazzy in my face, but I think I'll keep her waiting for a while....

Gia's 2nd Birthday Party

...this was a rip-roarin' afair held at The Little Gym in Smyrna. Gia had several hundred of her screaming, squeaking friends over. Or at least that's what it sounded like.

The place was pretty cool - it had all this gym equipment out there and mats for the tykes to play on. I was benched (I'm not eligible to play yet), but I watched from the sideline. Looked like fun to me. I can't wait to get out there someday and break my arm or ankle or head as I attempt the deadly challenging triple lindy on the uneven bars. I know, I know, that move is best saved for the pool, but I have supreme confidence in my skillz. (note the hip hop inflection). If that happens, I have a feeling Dad will probably yell at me for injuring myself while mom takes care of my hurt body and pride. Dad just has that look about him- like if I was a toddler out to prove my Olympic skillz on the gym equipment he would say, "try it kid, and see if you don't bust your ass". I will someday dad, you just wait. Then we'll see who's sorry.

After the games, Gia's little gang of Pink Ladies got to eat ice cream and fancy cake while I was force fed formula by Big Pop. The way that dude shoves the bottle down my throat, it's a wonder I don't drown. How the hell did he manage to help raise three kids? I wonder if I'll have any issues later in life stemming from Big Pop's form of TLC, which he likes to call "tough luck, chump".

But seeing Big Pop and Gramma was actually fun, and I was able to see Aunt Dana again. I heard she's getting married. If the party is BYOB, I guess that means I have to bring mom.

I saw Uncle Brad and Dad hanging out quite a bit in the corner, chatting it up. I bet they were talking about how good looking the moms there were.




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Nap Time

This morning, after mommy fed me, I was still tired, so she put me in her bed next to Daddy. It was some of the best sleep I've ever had. And even though Mom was mad at Dad because he called her "surly", she still found the two of us cute enough to take this picture:

The Games People Play

Despite a few setbacks, Mom and I have developed quite a routine of games we play each morning and each afternoon and generally whenever I get what she calls "fussy". We start off with "Wheels on the Bus" - now to begin with, she didn't know the words - so she made them up and let me tell you brother, they made no sense whatsoever. Finally, she used the computer to look up the words - that thing called the Internet is perfectly genius I tell you! Anyway, I digress - now that she knows the proper words - we sing the song EVERYDAY - come on lady, I can only "swish, swish, swish" so many times.

Following "Wheels on the Bus", we play "This Little Piggy". It's a very simple game - she grabs my toes, says some little rhyme, and shouts "Whee, whee!" while she tickles me. Apparently, this is supposed to help me discover my arms and legs. I got news lady, I already know about them...I'm just not quite ready to share it with you!

We also play "Who's That Baby?" I really like this one because I get to look at myself in the mirror for as long as I want. It's so great. Did I mention how handsome I think I am. Watch out ladies, Walker's on the prowl!

Lastly, I have to tell you about this contraption called a swing. I took a ride in it for the first time last night while Mom and Dad ate dinner. HEAVEN!

Cast and Crew Spotlight

I'd like to begin introducing you all to the Cast and Crew of Walkerworld (Not to be confused with Waterworld).

These are the people and friends that make my world go 'round.

Annie

Nickname(s): Annie Bananie, Nanners

Annie is a delightful pup that mom and dad got from the

Golden Retriever Rescue of Atlanta. Dad says they are a bunch of snotty dog lovers who shunned mom and him for nearly a year before finally agreeing to give them Annie. Mom says calm down, they may read this.

She apparently came from a champion breeder in Alabama who was dying and decided to destroy all of his stock (take it with him, in a sense). Someone spotted him shooting Annie's mom and dad, and managed to save her and some littermates. Poor Annie is an orphan.

Annie likes to jump on people and onto the bed. She's afraid of the vacuum, she loves bones (especially Retriever rolls), and she looooves to play with Charlie. And by play, I mean she likes to steal his bones and air hump him. She also likes to eat sticks. She will disassemble a stick with her teeth faster than Forrest Gump can disassemble his carbine.

She always greets us at the door with a "gift", typically whatever was lying around the door at the time. She tries to make friends with Dirty and Ralphie on occasion, but only Ralphie seems to tolerate her.

Annie has gotten really good at following dad around the neighborhood without a leash, and loves to ride in the car with us. She really likes when we stay home for the day and follows us from room to room, to keep an eye on us.

Annie once ate some Gorilla Glue and had to have surgery to get it removed from her tummy. It cost mom and dad nearly $2,000 and incredible emotional pain. She obviously pulled out, though, and lives on to torment the kitties and bring big, fluffy, golden happiness to the family.

Oh, and she has eaten my dirty diapers on two occasions. How uncouth, you shaggy fleabag.

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Walker B's Restaurant Reviews #1

Today we shall broach a new subject - restaurants. Mom and Dad have taken me to quite a few, and I feel there is a need to help the public understand restaurants from a baby's perspective.

Today I shall discuss my favorite restaurant of all time: MLB.
Restaurant: Mom's Left Boob (MLB)
Location: Next door to MRB
Cost: $
Hours: 12AM - 12AM, Mon-Sun and all major holidays (Closed on Yom Kippur)
Dress: Casual
Cuisine: American Ecclectic

MLB is an exclusive restaurant that I was turned on to from the very start. One never has to wait for a table, and the staff is most accomodating. MLB has been in business for the last six weeks with plans to run through the fall months. I have heard rumors of it closing with the onset of winter (say it's not so!). The head chef, who goes by the whimsical monicker "Mom" , seems to have considerable assets that she is able to bring to bear for the restaurant.

I find the accomodations at MLB to be an outstanding feature of the dining experience. The decor is in soft, muted hues of pink and beige. The fabrics are soft and supple, and the view is unrivaled.

The cuisine is always served hot and fresh and with the utmost concern for the patron's comfort. Meals are plentiful and filling, and the staff is more than willing to ensure you are amply fed. Depending on the chef's recent experience and whimsy, the food has a wide range of flavor and aroma, and can bring about visions of distant bamboo forests (flavorful Mandarin), exotic evenings by the Rio (spicy Tex-Mex), windswept plains with my trusty Native American sidekick(robust American grill), and lustful Mediterranean siestas (hearty Italian). I find that the fare is so tasty and calming, that I often fall asleep during my meals.

All meals come with a complimentary burping, as well as a diaper change (casual dress code or not, hygiene is important). Seconds can be had, but one must be insistent!

On the downside, I find that the waiter at this restaurant can leer at times, and the chef can be a bit surly, especially when it comes to late night requests.

All in all I find that MLB is a delightful and whimsical place with an ambience and menu that cannot be beat. Four stars.

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Recently I.....

...began "talking" to mom and dad to let them know when I'm happy. I'm most loquacious in the mornings, but that's only when I can manage to get mom up at a decent hour (read before 10:00 a.m.). My favorite person to talk to is "Mr. Fan". Mr. Fan follows me from room to room and is always spinning. Sometimes we disagree, but I let him know who is boss right a way. Dad says I get that from Mom....

MNF...

Tonight dad left us to go see the Falcons home opener against the Eagles. Dad had a really good time and came home smelling of beer and stale nacho cheese. When he came home I woke mommy up to tell her. And to request a snack from MRB (MLB was closed).

Dad said the game was fun and that he got to meet many new Falcons friends. Dad also said "Filth-a-delphia" got what they deserved, which was a "Goode Swift Kikkin Theass". He says there are a lot of people out there who deserve one, including "Liberal pansies" and "Right-wing neo-con nutjobs". This talk of deserving from dad sounds a lot like the telethons and commercials I hear on TV where people are saying that the victims of Hurricane Katrina deserve our help. So I put two and two together and decided we should help. But when I asked dad if those poor souls deserved the "Goode Swift Kikkin Theass", too, he said that Mother Nature already gave them one. She sure sounds nice, this Mother Nature.

I got a new toy the other day. It was a stuffed animal. I also pooped myself. What a day!

That is all...

Today I...

Updated several old blog entries including. Don't forget to go and check out the old postings! They're funny as crap, and get better with age.


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More NH pics...

Here are some more pictures from my NH visit.

In one, I met a new friend named Jackson. He at first looked like Charlie, but then I realized that he smelled more like scotch and haggis. I don't know what breed he is, but he kept going on about "freedom" and "bloody English".

In another, I'm being held up by Poppa. He's a pretty cool dude.


In this last see if you can spot the Boot Lady. Hint: she's standing near me in the picture.

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Live Free or Die...

Today was my trip to the granite state. I noticed that place has a lot of trees, and a lot of hippies. The one good thing about hippies is that they believe firmly in a woman's right to breastfeed in public (I, of course concur). Unfortunately, they do not believe in a woman's right to wear a bra. Get a boulder holder, hippie. We don't want to see your nappy flapjacks.

We suprised Nannie and Poppa today with my visit. As predicted, Nannie just about peed herself. If she had, it woulda been cool with me, I do it all the time.

They were pumped to see me, mom, and dad. All in all, the secret operation (aided by Aunt Lizzie and Grandma BJ) was a success.

Our first visit went something like this:

Nannie: (opens car door, screams) Ohhhhh yaaaaaaaayyyy!!!
Poppa: Hooollly cow...
Walker: I am here, you may show your pleasure.

Grandma BJ and Uncles Chip and Colin were there, and we had quite the fun time. Later Aunts Lizzie and Sassy showed up. Basically, for the rest of the night I was passed around the room like blame for poor hurricane relief effort.

Oh, but Aunt Lizzie did freak me out a little bit. She had this crazy cast on her leg...I'm calling her Boot Lady from now on.

I got to meet a lot of nice people. Should be interesting for the next few days.

That is all...

Off to New England...

Today I flew to Boston with mom and dad. My first plane ride! Hooray plane ride!

We saw many amazing people on the plane and in the airport. Mom kept a blanket over me most of the time, muttering somethign about "dirty ass people". Mom, if the nerds at DragonCon didn't give me the hiv, then I'm sure that the airport people won't .

Mom was able to breastfeed me in the airport, and on the plane. Now she's one of the mothers that other people complain about. Boobs are natural, folks. You enjoyed to suckle on the teet at one point in your life too. Try to remember that.

There was one skeevy guy who Dad noticed purposefully moved closer to us to try and scam a view of my feeding. Dad called him "Quagmire", and gave him steel* until he left. Fraking pervert.

*Dyson Lingo Lesson #1

Steel: n. a deadly look; a glance that causes the recipient emotional discomfort; She just gave me steel (and thus I will not be asking her for sex).

To give steel: to convey one's deep displeasure through the eyes; I gave the dude steel, and he backed the frak off (because he is now intimidated).

To receive steel: to wither under the dagger-like gaze of another.

I slept most of the way. The ride is really boring, so what else is a kid to do? I did notice that a kid in front of me screamed most of the way in. He wasn't very popular. Dude, take a page from my notes, and just chill the frak out. He had a mullet, anyway. Figures.

We're staying with dad in his hotel while he works onsite at a customer near Boston. Dad leaves in the morning, goes to work, and comes back to the hotel later, just like at home. Except that this hotel room is a helluva lot smaller, stinkier and funkier than our house. Plus, no Annie & Ralphie, Dirty & Charlie? Boooo!!

This town is called Framingham. It's a far cry from Atlanta. Where are all the NASCAR bumper stickers? Where is the crunkness and where are the spinners? And why does everyone smell like a dirty liberal?

Mom and I will watch TV all day while Dad is out. Tomorrow night we're driving up to New Hampshire to suprise Nannie and Poppa, Uncles Chip and Colin, Aunt Lizzie & family, Aunt Sassy & family, and Great Grandma BJ. Should be a good suprise, since Dad told them that only he would be coming for dinner. I just hope that Nannie doesn't pee herself when she sees me. She is very excitable, that one.

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Today I...

...watched an 0ld episode of Married With Children. Look what I learned.

By the way dad - it's called a suntan - get one.

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First Wings & Beer...

Tonight I watched my first football game. We grabbed some grub at Taco Mac and caught most of the UGA game - if you can call it a game. Boise State had two turnovers in the first five minutes! They were doomed from the beginning. Anyway, back to the Mac, Auntie Shonda was there with her friend Mary. I'm not sure how much of the game they watched because all I kept hearing them talk about was scamming on guys.

After Taco Mac, we went home to see GT play Auburn. GT had some sorry defense but managed to pull it out anyway. Perhaps it was the excitement of the win that made me sleep six straight hours for the first time. Mom kept

waking up wondering if I was okay - can't a baby get some sleep, lady? Anyway - I know she hopes I'll continue to sleep that long every night - but, boy, do I have news for her.....

The Con...

Yesterday and today I went to DragonCon with Mommy and Daddy. I met some interesting characters...and by characters I mean tools...and by tools I mean dorks. I when I say I met them, I really mean I pointed at them a laughed...a lot.

Speaking of, here's a Klingon that was guarding the elevators. Except he kept calling them Turbolifts. Mbleeeek!


So first off, it's called "The Con". If you go and call it DragonCon, the nerds will beat you with their foam swords and phasers, and call you things like "Fanboy". Whatever, nerds.

Next, to get in is FREE. You can go to this place and watch all the tools you want for FREE. Of course mom and dad did that at Georgia Tech, but this time the nerds have costumes.

Dad wanted to see one thing at this little shindig, and that was his favorite author - Robert Jordan. Except, to get into the room to see the dude, dad would have to have purchased a Con Badge for the modest fee of $30. That's a lot for an autograph and a handshake, so dad settled for peeking in the doorway while the Con bouncers (read fatties with headsets and walkie talkies) silently mocked him and called him Fanboy. No autograph for Dad, but he said that it's ok, because he probably would have simply said something stupid and uninspired when he met the guy, anyway. And plus mom turned down Dad's suggestion that she let RJ sign her magnificent bosom. Way to be a sport, mom.

On day 1, Mom and Dad just scoped out the place and the prices. On day 2, they brought along several of my uncles. Specifically uncles Toro, Caesar, Dave, and a friend (dad can't remember his name). They nominated Dad as the Leader ( he preferred the monicker Gold Leader) and allowed him to lead the way.

Now, because the adults (in their infinite wisdom) chose not to buy Con Badges, we were stuck just milling around the area watching people and peeking through doorways. We snuck into one large vendor area, and were bounced by some toolio who saw we had no badges. He didn't even work there, he was just a random attendee. Apparently the nerd herd is self-protecting and self-regulating, and through the power of this decentralized command structure we were recognized instantly as outsiders and a potential threat. Thus, we were neutralized. Live long and prosper, toolio. All I wanted to see was that sweet table of Farscape memorabilia.

Even with this limitation, the people watching was unmatched, unparalleled in it's quality. Dad, Mom & co. got many sweet pictures.

And the award of the day for random acquaintance reunion goes to A.C. Churanya, one of dad & mom's old frat brothers. AKPsi for life, indeed. Apparently he was speaking at the Con to the Herd about Nasa and its current projects and goals.
The conversation was something like this:
A.C.: [kicks Dad] Hey, don't I know you? Micah, right?
Dad: [looks long and hard] Yeah...
A.C.: I'm A.C., from AKPsi!
Dad: Holy crap, yes! What's up?...
[insert small talk, pleasantries, introductions]
Dad: So what are you here for? You a fanboy, too?
A.C.: No, I graduated with Aerospace Engineering, if you remember, and shortly after, I got picked to work for my old professor who started a company. We are now consultants for NASA. I'm speaking here later.
[pause]
Dad: I work in software. I hate my life.
[insert uncomfortable silence]

Way to go Dad. Great job carrying your family's honor.

I rode around The Con in style. Check out this great picture of me and mom -- you can't really see me due to that death contraption she carried me around in all day. It's called a Baby Bjorn. I though Bjorn was that crazy bitch from Iceland who wears live swans to award shows, but I stand corrected. Regardless, that sucker gets hot!

Anyway, the Con basically wore my ass out. Plus, I no doubt will contract some disease from the 20,000 dorks there. I hope it's not a bad one like the clap, or worse yet the one that makes you fat, pasty, socially inept, and crave doritos & mountain dew.

Dad just said mom looked hot today. Gross. Parent sex. Ewwww...


That is all...

Today I....

...had my one month visit to the pediatrician. Everytime we go to this place, I end up naked on a cold table, leaving me feeling vulnerable and alone.

When I brought that up, dad said something to the effect of, "that's how I finished out a lot of parties in college, kid. Get used to it, it's a family tradition." What?!

Turns out, I now weigh a little over 11 lbs, and I grew 1/2 inch. All in a month - I'm a genius I tell you. "Victory is mine!"

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